On Governing

(Cerebus #52, July 1983)

"Governing a city-state in today's world is very very difficult. There are many problems. It is hoped that my own experiences as a leader will help to guide future leaders. The first thing you have to do is ignore Lord Julius. Listening to him can cause you to lose up to ten thousand crowns a day. No Joke! The second thing is to invade only really rich countries and not listen to Lord Julius when he tells you which ones are rich. The third thing is to fire all your advisors once a week so they don't drive you crazy! The fourth thing is to sell everything that isn't nailed down to hire armies. Fire any advisor you says you can't do this. 

Eat only expensive food and drink only expensive liquor. It's the only good thing about being a leader. Don't attend meetings and fire advisors who tell you you have to. All you do is sit there for hours while a bunch of whiners tell you what's wrong and you can't go to the bathroom. The only other good thing about being a leader is quitting... everyone who bugged you all the time is unemployed or under arrest. ha-ha. It looks good on them, too!!..."